The sleepless nights. 

She sits by the window late at night,

Mourning her memories, that always seemed so bright.

Gazing at the stars, and the moon and the sky,

Oh, what a beautiful world it would be,

Without people in it to pry.

Along with the tear stream, dont know what for,

Maybe it’s the sad dream that woke her.

She’s scared, tired, also alone,

Deep down there, she knows,

She has to do this on her own.

She wants to be happy also cry out loud,

She wishes she could disappear out in the crowd,

Inside, there’s a different story,

Her heart whispers “oh no! Not without these memory”.


When she asks about me, tell her.

When she asks about me,tell her.If you tell her i was just some girl you dated for like 3 years,you can bet that she will only give you hard time.The pictures and posts tagged between our two profiles will tell her it was more than just that.If you tell her i was just an old friend,she’ll know you’re lying.If she’s somehow like me, she’ll soon realize you’re easy to read when you’re lying and that your voice goes off while doing so.
Shell remember how one day you were at a place, she said “let’s take a lot of pictures today”but with a heavy heart,you’ll make up some story about how you hate taking a lot of pictures,because you wouldn’t dream of doing the same with someone else.But love, it pains me to say that, i know that one day we will. One day i’ll love to go out there on my own and relive those memories and click the pictures, a lot of pictures on my own and you probably would do the same on your own or with her. 

Shell remember that day when she came at your house to see you, how you skipped a song that was playing on your phone. Ofcourse, it’ll be the song we always listened to. And i know you’ll make an excuse why you can’t listen to it whenever it comes on when you’re together. If she holds up her phone with a picture of you and I from way back, lie a little, but not a lot, she’s not looking for truthful answers. She’s looking for reassurance from you.

Dont tell her how we decided we were going to have  two children and talked about how we’d explain our story to them. Or the plans we had because you’re going to have bigger and better plans with her. Keep the drawer of your bed shut until you’ve gotten rid of the cards, my reasons why, my sketches for you and letters. She doesn’t need to know why you visit your old tagged pages and  why you re-read our old conversation in night’s she isn’t around.

Change the subject when you’re all gathered around the family and if someone ever asks you if you’ve ever heard what I’ve been up to lately, don’t let her hear my name called by your family, a member they never had. It’ll kill her with the thought of never standing a chance against me.Kiss her forehead and tell her you love her on the days that she’s had too much to talk and she’s rambling on about the girl you loved before her. 

I hope that she forgets that you still feel difficult hearing my name, and she ignores how you twitch when someone mentions my favourite movies or songs I always used to cry at. And when she does find out who I am, I hope she’ll take it in the best way and silently  thank me, because without me, you wouldn’t know how to love her, kiss her, and keep her forever.